I think I might be AroAce, but I just don't know.

Hi, if no one would mind, I have a problem which I would like to present and see if anyone can help me with. All my life I have been "attracted" to people, as in I find them physically appealing, would have crushes, and fantasies about all genders. I highly valued the concept of romance and thought it was something that everyone should experience. Through the relationships I have had, however, I have noticed a trend. The relationship is buzzing and excitable in the first stages when we are not as close, but as we get to know each other and develop a strong bond the "romantic" feelings on my side tend to leave. I used to feel so invigorated by being kissed by someone, and now it feels like a chore. I used to like cutesy couple things like holding hands or pecks on the cheek or cuddling, but it starts to feel irritating after a while. Don't get me wrong, but I still absolutely adore and care for all the people I have been with, it's just that I guess the type of love changes over time. This happens with everyone. I don't know if I'm aromantic or if I am literally incapable of being romantically attracted to people I am close with. It seems like I only feel romantically towards people I don't know that well.

As for the asexual part: Sex in theory sounds great, but in practice, I can hardly bear the idea. I am far too repulsed by the idea of sex and don't like engaging in sexual activity, such as making out or anything passed that. I do not like wet things and the thought of someone else's tongue in my mouth makes me sick. However, I can't help myself from thinking such things of strangers or people I don't know that well, and I think that with someone I don't know that well, the act might be bearable. I just don't like the idea of engaging someone I have a close bond with.

I should also add that I know fairly well how I feel about physical affection of any kind. I like hugs every once in a while, but I feel trapped by cuddling and kissing and it is honestly draining. I don't like it when people try to control me and I feel very restrained when people grab me or cuddle me or really just try to keep me from moving freely.

So, if anyone can try to explain anything that I'm feeling and thinking right now, that would be great. Even if no one can explain what this is, it would be nice to know that it isn't strange or weird of me to be this way.

Thanks, ~Grey

Similar view..Hetero/asexual female.. Confused about what some think of as romance..to me its caring and sometimes adventurous but not sexual. I have been romantic (in my sense of the word)with what I consider attractive men,but still repulsed by the aspect of sex. I don't even want to talk about sexual things to someone I don't know well and even with some I do. Sometimes I am sad that close romantic relationships I had must end because I do not want to continue physically and I know they do.
I am also confused by society and why ,'sex', is so,'In your face', every where..They think it sells but I think it makes for an anxious society.